SCARE OF MY LIFE!!!

My life literally just flashed before my eyes! As I was walking in from work, with my sleepy 4 year old in hand, my cell phone started to ring. I could not answer it because my daughter was starting to whine so my goal was to get her in the house ASAP! I checked my voicemail and had received a message from my Dr's office instructing me to log into my online account b/c my doctor left a message for me there.

O....k, this already does not sound good. I immediately felt like crying, so many thoughts were going through my mind. As of today my period is one week late so I was thinking NOOOOOO!!! I don't want to be pregnant at this time in my life, my body is unhealthy and I'm in an unhealthy relationship. My husband and I have not been on good terms in months, I cannot bring another child into this.

The next thought was: Cancer? Noooo, damn, why, why, my daughter is only 4. So I tried calling the office back but of course I can't get through b/c the medical center is closed. I know logging into my account will take some time b/c I forgot my password, but eventually I get in.

The Message:

Hi,         

You missed your physical appt on 12/5/2011 . Your blood count & cholesterol are normal . But blood sugar is high suggesting diabetes . Please make sure to re schedule your physical so that we can discuss details in person & repeat the tests as needed.      
Diabetes is definitely worth crying over...but who has the time. All I can do at this point is figure this shit out one vegetable at a time. On my way home from work I kept yearning for a candy bar, or something sweet, thinking it would soothe my senses.

Look at what I've been doing to myself, killing myself, and I have the nerve to still crave this shit, causing me all of this harm and I still love it (kind of like my husband). Discipline, I am capable. I will re-schedule my physical for the end of January. 

                                 Day 2...

Today is only day 2 and I already feel like garbage. It didn't hit me until after I started getting ready for work this morning. My head started to hurt and I know I got enough sleep (last night's bedtime was at 8:30pm woke up at 4:00am) I felt like I got enough sleep.

After spraying my perfume I felt nauseous, then my head started to hurt. I started to make breakfast ( two egg white and broccoli burritos w/salsa) packed it with my lunch and headed out the door to work, feeling sick, is this withdraw?

My body feels like it's purging and I keep going to the bathroom ( I know, too much info). I just came from the gym and I did not complete my entire work out. I think I only did 20 mins. worth of the boot camp class (normally last 60 mins) and now I'm trying to eat lunch (crock pot black beans/turkey necks with quinoa, scallions, and cilantro).

Cake and cookies in my office break room and I felt like mushing my face in the cake and just EATING....but...I looked away.

Today's Weigh in: 281.6

What I weigh as of Monday, 19 December 2011???

Pre-work-out 281.6
Post-work-out 281.4
(Why pre & post work out weight b/c I wanted to see if there was a big difference and, there isn't)

Workout:
-warm-up walk 10 mins at 3.5 speed
-Jog 14 mins at 4.5 speed
-Walk 2 mins at 3.5 speed
-jogg 4 mins at 4.5 speed
cool down 3 min walk at 3.0-2.5 speed

Calories burned: 263

Distance: 2.1 miles

Emotional state:  During my warm-up walk I felt somewhat elated and kept telling myself "I am a runner" during the jogging phase when my breathing started to pick-up I started to feel like anything is possible and I my motto changed to "I am capable of doing more than I think I am"  The heavy breathing felt very good.

Today's Ipod jam: I started off with Coldplays "Speed of sound" then I listened to Jay-Z's "I Know" 3x, Verve Pipe, Freshman, and I closed the workout with the Verve's Bittersweet Symphony.

Day OnE

Today, Monday,19 DEC 2011 marks the first day of my sugar free journey. Prior to me starting this journey I posted my intentions on facebook. I received good and bad comments, those that I considered to be "bad" were comments like "no sugar, how are you going to do that?" Well....I just am, what is my other option, death? I'm 30 years old, I live the American life, meaning I work 9 hours a day and spend 2.5-3 hours commuting to a sedentary job 5 days a week and my weekends do not feel any different, outside of the driving.

Bottom line: I am who I want to be, and FAT/UNhealthy is not who I want to be. There are absolutely NO do overs, NONE! Therefore, I will DO and I will TRY until I CAN get a healthy number to pop up on the scale and on the measuring tape. As a sugar/food addict I am certain this will not be easy BUT I'm also certain it will be worth it.

3 Days to go.....

In 3 days on 17 Dec I will begin my 30 day, sugar-free challenge!!!! Let me just start this post out by confessing. I planned to eat fruit for breakfast and that did not go so well. As soon as I got in the office one of my co-workers gave me a stocking filled with chocolate. Then another one showed me a RED VELVET cake that they had specially made for our office Christmas party, which will be this afternoon. Let me restate that in case you missed it: R-E-D  V-E-L-V-E-T A CAKE!!!! My all time favorite I loveeeee the sweet cream cheese frosting...I feel like such a crack head and I guess I am. Outside of sugar being legal what is the difference between sugar and crack? They both kill and more people are probably addicted to sugar then crack, more people probably die from diseases related to over consumption of sugar then crack. It's  official I'm a crack head, addicted to the other white substance also known as sugar.  

Getting back on track, for breakfast I did not eat the bowl of grapes I ate two miniature candy canes and 5 pieces of chocolate, oh and a lollipop....(shaking my own head). Am I really going to be able to do this 30 day challenge? Last night after dinner I ate 6 Oreo cookies.

I guess the real question should be, how could I not do this???

                        30 Day Challenge!!!!!

In honor of MY body I will be LIVING 30 days of my life without sugar, starting Saturday 17 December to 16 January. Thirty days sounds do-able, right?

Let's get down to the details (do's and don'ts):

Dont's:

SUGAR of any  kind
-White ANYTHING (rice, pasta)
-Bread (filled w/sugar)
-Juice
-Diet soda
-Candy (sugar free)
-Artificial sweetners
-Instant Oatmeal packets
-Cake (red velvet is my cryptonite)
-FAST FOOD (absolutely NONE)


Do's
-Daily food journal
-Evening food pics (after work eating is the hardest)
-Weekend activity photos (keep body physically active and mind off of sugar)
-Freggies!!!!
-Weigh in's
-Journaling (need to record emotional and physical state/withdrawl)
-Pics....(will this big belly decrease?)

I have four days to prepare, not by indulging in sugar filled foods, instead I will begin to plan out my meals and snacks, on eof my secret weapons:  http://www.skinnytaste.com/

                Sugar is taking the lives of the uneducated!

While reading one of my favorite blogs "the black girls guide to weight loss" I came across a post about sugar and I immediately became interested because whenever I talk with people about my sugar addiction I tend to leave the conversation feeling like I alone experience the urge to eat excessive amounts of sugar. After watching the video that came attached to the blog I learned that IT'S NOT JUST ME! and there's a reason. Many of us do not realize we are addicted to sugar. Our minds see it as being a normal part of our diet BECAUSE sugar is in most of the foods we consume. Try going to a grocery store and looking for an item inside of the aisle that does NOT have fructose in it?

Please take the time to watch the video, IT SCURRED (SCARed) ME! To think I'm not only killing myself but my 4 year old too! She learning how to eat from her fat mommy and this means she's learning how to die a slow and painful death from ME!


                                                   ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Want vs Need

           VS                          

At the very ripe age of 29 I have come to the conclusion that what I want is not necessarily what I need. I am an admitted sugar addict. I would trade an apple ANY day over a piece of red velvet cake. Last saturday I ate 8 red velvet whoopi cakes...no I am not ashamed, keep in mind I did say I was an addict.

This blog is the start of what I like to consider my so called sugar free life. I am breaking free of sugar dependency and leaning towards raw fruits and vegetables, starting each morning with fresh fruit and ending each day with a vegetable.

Currently, I have been "so called" sugar free for 6 days. I say so called because I've been eating the baked apple oatmeal packets as part of my breakfast and yesterday I ate a protein bar, which of course had sugar. But I have not drank a diet soda, ate a piece of cake, or had any candy otherwise. This is a GREAT accomplishment for me because again, I was addicted to sugar...well I AM addicted to sugar.

This blog is my way of holding myself accountable while living a sugar-free lifestyle. I know this will be a journey filled with ups and downs but I'm determined to make the best of it, and lose a LOTS of LBS in the process.

Care to join me?